tomatoes: i finally decided to write

work tires me. for the past couple of weeks i havent felt like doing much that requires brain work. just mainly crashing when i get home from work. either reading or what have you. im ok monday, but by friday im falling asleep on the job (almost). my energy decreases exponentially throughout the week. its good though, work is. while the job itself is mindless and boring, the time seems to pass somehow. and i get breaks with coworkers who i like more and more. a couple days ago, the lady i am replacing temporarily was scheduled to have some medical tests that determined if she could come back to work or not. so i had been bracing myself for a possible one or two weeks left to work there: trying not to get too attached or make myself disappointed in having to go to some other temp job. and after a touchy incident involving unapproved overtime, training and my boss, i was sure things might end soon. i was so surprised when the boss asked me into her office and began going over all our holidays between now and january. even if this lady comes back, they still want to keep me on at least until then =) that made my day. i was really going to miss the people there, and wasnt looking forward to starting all over again someplace else.

i think all the crickets are dead. that much is good, but i had a different problem last night.... a mouse kept coming in my room. it was persistent. and i saw it run across the floor every so often. i got up a few times to chase it out the door. i dont hate mice, dont get me wrong, they are adorable little fuzzy things and dont make near as much noise as a cricket. but i can see how they can be pests. so finally i cornered it and was trying to get it out of the corner and out the door again when it just froze behind a crate. i poked it to try and get it out from between there and the wall but it only moved a couple inches. and right when i was trying to figure out if i could find a way to catch it in a cup it jumped into a cup that was over turned right next to it. i got a plate over the cup lid right away and i caught me a mouse! it was so cool. i left it on the dresser with a book over the cup, poor thing was so scared. i felt sorry for it. but i didtn want to go outside just then, at 4 in the morning. i even woke up earlier than i wanted so i could free it but after showing dad what i caught, he pointed out that it looked kinda not-so-good. it held its leg weird and it didnt move much. it was still breathing but it made me real sad. when we set it free it just sat there so we left it, hoping it would leave once we were gone cuz it was scared. i think it might have died =( i dont like killing things, except bugs maybe. i was so happy that i caught it and we didnt have to use mouse traps or poison, but it didnt help anyway. death sucks. its such a natural part of life yet we struggle so hard against it in every way. like we know its not the way life should be. like we should exist forever. i was reading a book that uses that fact to show how we were meant to live eternally. if only it was more clear.

this train of thought got me thinking about my grandmothers that died in the past few years. i miss them. i even found a song that is sung to someone who died.