who am i?

warning: this might be very boring if you dont particularly want to listen to me talking about myself.

i was reminded today of the personality test we all took as freshmen in college. that was a long time ago. four years ago i was an 'infp' or an introverted intuitive feeling perceiver. an idealist. i cant tell if i am still, or if that was accurate. for now i'll assume its right since i dont want to fork over the cash to take it again. ive always been interested in knowing exactly who i am and why i do the things i do. im not patient enough to just sit and think it over, i need resources. so i am always happy to pick up a book about it or take these dumb internet tests.

i know i am definitely an introvert. it takes a lot to get me in a group. i dont mind being alone, im not saying i dont need people... i need interaction as much as the next person. im finding that out more and more living at home after being in a dorm. it is nice to have my space, though. i love having my own room. i loved my roommates at taylor and having people just walk in the room to talk, but sometimes i wished i could disappear. i never could really get away without leaveing altogether.

intuitive. i think that's right, too. no, i cant read people's minds. but i can almost always tell when someone is upset or ready to ask me something important. but it seems so easy that maybe its not anything special. maybe anyone can observe others and guess what they might be thinking about or at least what kind of mood they are in. i can also always tell when im about to be asked out. thats cake for anyone else, right?

feeling as opposed to thinking. i do tend to make decisions based on how the outcome might make me feel. i dont like cold facts. i mean, i like history and things like that, but i dont think thats the same. but i do strongly believe there is right and wrong. i might not always base my decisions on this, but i try to do what i think is right. i can be emotional and that gets in the way of my thinking clearly. im not logical either, i dont get logic for the most part.

i guess the last category is where im unsure. perceiver or judge? like the judge, i often want things to be clean and orderly. but i dont act on that because im unmotivated, scared, or lazy, you could say. like the perceiver, i end up procrastinating in making lists on what to do next, and in making decisions so that i can be almost spontaneous. it makes me uncomfortable and i dont really want to choose spontaneity even though this is what i do.

the best thing about this website is it lists not only strengths and weaknesses of one's personality, but what can be done to improve. i find this extremely helpful.
so according to this i am creative, spiritual, aware of injustice, a good listener, egalitarian, and deep. i can mostly agree with that. i am also sensitive to criticism, negative, angry sometimes, self-centered, overwhelmed when someone disagrees with me, judgemental, brood over problems and expect too much of people.

there was great advice:
mainly in a situation i shouldnt do the two things i normally do... compare and judge. i compare others to myself and make judgements prematurely. i could use this suggestion especially,

Think of the people who are closest to you. As you think of each person, tell yourself "this person has their own life going on, and they are more concerned with their own life than they are with mine." Remember that this doesn't mean that they don't care about you. It's the natural order of things.

this is a hard one for me. i tend to think that if someone doesnt spend time with me or make an effort, that they dont care and our friendship is not two sided. the insane thing is that i know this isnt true because i myself do it to others all the time! i dont call or write when i think i should, again my laziness or sometimes business, i dont always make an effort! but it doesnt mean i dont care. so why do i tell myself that there is something wrong with me and that this friendship is doomed when im on the receiving end? another characteristic, when you are an idealist it is hard to meet your own expectations.

so im sorry if i have expected too much of any of you without doing anything about it for my own part.
i did have a great weekend visiting taylor. im glad i was able to see some good friends, and sorry i missed others.