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i had a great time with tara and i even got to see dave, shawn and bethany. the drive was horrible and long. it was rainy all weekend, like it is everytime i go to indy. but the company was excellent. we made some indian cuisine from a cookbook on saturday night. it was pretty good, if not quite as good as from a restaurant. i made and kneaded real bread! but we didnt make it because the dough had to rise.

so i made it. i was accepted into wycliffe. im not a member until i attend a 2 week training camp in florida. that wont be until the end of june. in the meantime i am working and filling out forms. being accepted has made me realise how i hate that i never have confidence in my abilities. let me explain. i have always thought that although i can do some things well (schoolwork being one) i never think i can do anything extraordinary. applying to college i felt this way. i thought that i could never get into a selective private college. but i did, i was surprised but always passed it off as if i only got in because i applied early. or maybe taylor wasnt even as picky as i thought, it was my misconception. in high school i tried out for district choir and made it. i never expected to, and when i did i thought the same thing-their standards must not be high if i can make it. and now with wycliffe, i was extremely intimidated by the whole application process. it was long and thorough. now that i look back, having made it through, i tell myself, they must be desperate for people. the process must just be to weed out those who are not really going to stick with it. well which is it!? do i just psyche myself out while they are really just desperate, or am i a qualified and desireable employee? i suppose its a bit of both. but i wish i could give myself a more realistic outlook from the beginning. which is better, self-confidence or humility? sometimes i think i have all the humility i need and could do with some good confidence. i hope to gain confidence in myself through God.